Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
