mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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