dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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