I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
