i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Couch. On fire.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
