he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
someone owes me an orgasm
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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