Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
