My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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