when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
