dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
