the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
