Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were destined to go to rehab together
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
