It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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