every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
