you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
