I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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