Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
