why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize