I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
