if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
FUCK WHALES
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
