I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
