have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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