obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
