id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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