just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
