Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
