see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
