I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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