who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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