Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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