well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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