What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
