Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
