i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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