I got chris browned last night
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.