I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus