yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.