I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.