I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
