so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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