my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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