please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
