sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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