If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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