i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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