I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
