We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
