i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
