I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize