According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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