u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
