Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
