Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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