Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
