textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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