My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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