I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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