Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
