Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
