I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
