This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
