if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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