And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
