Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
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is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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