my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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