HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im holly from the hills drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
