The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
