Im at strip club and am horny
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
