just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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