In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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