Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
