i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
