never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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