i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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