How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
